Teacher: Holy Spirit
I was born in August of 1947 to "whitetrash" parents. My Dad had a good job on the railroad, but he also had a tab at the corner bar that was owned by my "godparents". My mother at, 23, had been widowed, divorced and married to my father. My dad went on to "father" 5 children and to continue his drinking and womanizing. I was the oldest.
When my mother was in the hospital with the fifth baby, she was befriended by a nun who convinced her by her kindness that the catholic church was "the way".Both of my parents had before this been involved in the occult, so it was an easy step to accept the teachings of the catholic church. So, we were raised in the "church" , parochial school and the occult.
At some point in time, my parents began to rent us out to what I later realized were pedophiles. My first memory was around 5 or 6 yrs. old. The routine was always the same.......
1. My mother would prepare us by telling us that they were nice and that it was our duty to do whatever they wanted us to do.
2. Mom would ask them for money or certain things that she wanted from them in exchange.
3. We would either be sent with them or left alone with them.
4.I always felt dirty afterwards and that I was terrible but I didnít have a clue what to do except.......
5.Confess MY sins to the priest.
6. I would, however, continue to feel the guilt even after performing the required penance. ( I thought there was no hope for me and I guess it never occurred to the priest that these sins were my parentís not mine.)
Time went on and I began to personally get involved in witchcraft to try and find some power to help me. Nothing like some Iíve heard of, yet a steady pulling of my heart.
I began to be convinced that killing myself was the only way out, so I ,again, sought out a priest for counsel. He patiently listened to my story that he already heard in the confessional and then he told me that unless I had a "good" relationship with my dad, that I could never hope to have a relationship with God. I didnít leave there very encouraged. I sought out another priest and he ,too, listened patiently and then decided that he wanted a piece of the action. I left my only sweater in his hands when I ran sobbing out of there. I was not worth helping so the idea of suicide grew sweeter.
I had a little girl by this time and the only thing that held suicide at bay was that I knew if I died my parents would get my little girl. I couldnít do that to her! I was just 16 when she was born. Her father had been drafted to Vietnam and that had left me to face the wrath of my parents alone. My dad had beat me from one end of the house to the other when he found out that I was pregnant. I had seen him beat my mother the same way when she was pregnant with her 6th baby. She was born dead a short time later after 8 months in my motherís womb. My baby lived by the grace of God.
I left "home" when I was 18 with my little girl and the clothes that we had on our backs. The next 3yrs. were a struggle to just survive. My dad had put out the word that if he saw me, he would kill me. I had no reason to doubt him. My siblings were forbidden to have anything to do with me.
My little girlís dad was home from Vietnam now and we resumed our relationship, getting married in 1968. He was a lot like my dad in his drinking and womanizing. I was trapped and suicide began to look sweet again and I was getting more involved with the occult looking for answers.The desire to die grew, but now we had a son.
Throughout this period, there were little hints of "Streams in the desert" from various timid Christians and it was enough to give the Holy Spirit something to deal with me. One Sunday, I went cussing and kicking to my mother-in-lawís church just to get her off our backs. I sat in the last pew so I could escape quickly. The sermon was boring and I had to fight sleep. Then they began to sing "Just as I am without one plea". Hey that was me they were singing about and I began to listen to the words.All of a sudden I KNEW that I was LOVED completely with all the filth and sin. Then HE touched me and unlike the catholic confessional, I was FREE and CLEAN and a deliverance began that still continues to this day. I can live in righteousness because of Jesus.
I donít have the talent or the space to put into words all that the Lord has done since that day, but I know this..... JESUS is the WAY
and the LIFE!!!
I was born again that day and my heavenly Father took me in, not because I had a relationship with my dad but because of His Sonís blood shed for my sins.
The priest was wrong again. It wasnít my relationship with my dad that counted but it was the relationship between Jesus and His Father that opened the way for all of us to come home. Praise God for ever and ever!!!!
I made the trip to the altar, but I met the Savior in the last pew. I was excommunicated from the catholic church and disowned by my parents,but as I began to study Godís word I was released from the occult and the false teaching I had learned for all those years. The Lord rebuilt my marriage and taught me how to be a mother, wife and friend. What a mighty God we serve!!!
You know, this may not bless you, my friend, but it has blessed me immensely to revisit the old landmarks and Iíve barely scratched the surface. :o)
Ezekiel 16: 4-13 is precious to me. It says.......
And as for thy nativity, in the day thou wast born thy navel was not cut neither wast thou washed in water to supple thee, thou wast not salted at all, nor swaddled at all, None eye pitied thee, to do any of these to thee, to have compassion upon thee; but thou wast cast out in the open field, to the loathing of thy person, in the day that thou wast born. And when I passed by thee, and saw thee polluted in thine own blood, I said unto thee when thou wast IN thy blood, LIVE, yea, I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood, LIVE.........